Recently, my dad celebrated his birthday and the weeks leading up to it were torturous—endless back-and-forths with my sister and mother, brainstorming what on earth to get a father who says that all he wants is nothing . Maybe a little chocolate bar (he says, with glee in his eyes, fully aware that he is making my life harder by refusing to be specific). Deep down, though, no matter how much he ponders, he himself probably thinks that all he really wants is to watch TV and take a big fat...

If I ever end up in a horror movie, I think I’m definitely surviving. Part of that confidence comes from knowing I’d never pull a Mayor Larry Vaughn from Jaws (1975). A woman washes up in pieces and this man’s first thought is, “Let’s keep the beaches open, folks! Gotta think of the economy!” Sir, your economy is floating in literal pieces. Instead of shutting things down, he slaps on a smile and calls it “one of the best summers we’ve ever had,” as if that’s not a leg drifting past him. If...

Hey. How’s it going? It’s your boy again; the one who ranked Techno mala way higher than PGP mala last year. Still astounded and...