Bzz bzz… Bzz bzz… Oh! Say hi to RH Announcement Bot, supplying you with your daily dose of updates on the latest events around RH, be it of block, welfare, culture or committee! Do pardon its occasional overzealousness in sending repeated news of the same event—it’s just trying its best to keep you informed and from missing out on bustling hall activities! What’s it this time? No surprise, RH Announcement Bot proudly presents… a Telegram blast message! Seen enough of them but ever curious about what goes into dishing one up? Let’s uncover its secret recipe and cook up an impeccable Telegram blast message!
Source: Blk 3 Event Oktoberf3st
First and foremost, layer your message bar with rhetoric. This will form the crust of your message that makes or breaks your dish, so it is paramount you nail the cook on it. Take your event and shape it to the mould, the perfect answer to the unfulfilled desires of dineRHs. Many are too preoccupied with academics, CCAs, social life, and end up forgoing activities outside of hall. Get them to question and reflect on themselves. Evoke in them the crippling sense of FOMO. Then immediately offer your event as the rebound opportunity for them to find solace in. Envision it as a step toward making RH an internally sufficient place. “Even if you are trapped in hall, why go outside when RH has everything?” is the mindset to channel. With this, you are sure to suit the taste buds of dineRHs and keep them coming back for more.
Source: (the late) SMC x Tech Crew Event ESPORHTS
Next, pour in the filling of event content. While you get dineRHs to come for the crust, you have to get them to stay through the filling! A good concept that lacks substance and fails to deliver will ultimately disappoint. So, put in any filling you want! Make it meaty, fruity, spicy, sweet—be adventurous! Familiar comfort food definitely hits the spot but novelty can be the thing to turn the heads of dineRHs and differentiate yourself from the hundreds of other dishes served before.
Source: HearRHtfelt Initiative Pay it Forward Board
Now, season liberally with emojis. Emojis add popping visuals and vibrant colours to spice an otherwise bland and white text, the type glossed over without much appetite for. What a waste! Just as we eat with our mouths and read with our eyes, we eat with our eyes too. They serve as stage directions guiding facial expression and gesture or as cues for special effects of lights, fire, sounds et cetera to create a truly immersive dining experience. Like butter, you can never have too much of it, but just make sure it is mixed well throughout the filling! You never want a surprise mouthful of emojis. But I’m sure a serving of just butter—a pure emoji message—could be edible as well if done right. (idea?)
Source: Culture Comm Talent Show before (top) and after revealing spoiler (below)
To give your dish that wow factor, how about smoking it with spoilers? Cast a veil over your trump card. Saturate it with an aroma of suspense and anticipation. Let their imagination run wild. Make them wonder, “What else could there possibly be?” Upon lifting the lid, the smoke dissipates. Behold, one stunning “How did I not think of that?!” eureka moment. There’s this irresistible urge to find out what all the hush-hush is about that attracts one’s thumb to draw the static-like curtains. Then—wait for it—roaring applause.
But unlike emojis, take note not to overuse spoilers! Too many will end up shrouding the message, and without a sense of what’s there, there’s a lack of contrast that only hinders its reception. All you can do is just blankly wait for the excessive smoke to clear up, for a whole chunk of words to just pop out from a large spoiler. That will leave dineRHs more puzzled than anything. To attain the level of fine cuisine, delicate balance must be struck between the flavours—tease and tact—that tantalise the taste buds.
Source: Welfare Comm Welfare RHingo
The dish is nearly perfect! Here’s just one hack that MasteRHchefs don’t want you to know that is sure to take your dish to the next level—hearsay. DineRHs. Love. Hearsay. They are addicted to it as if MSG stood for Magical Synthetic Gossip. “How so?” you may ask. Well, “Magical” because it shouldn’t work but somehow does and “Synthetic” because there really is no natural explanation for its existence. Why spread factual gossip about yourself when you could perhaps…just say it? Anyways—MSG. Just a touch of this to any dish and dineRHs go crazy. Though, in recent times, reports have started to surface of what appear to be symptoms of MSG overdose.
Source: My chat history (yes I too am a victim)
These include but are not limited to:
Adoption of “hearsay” in everyday conversation resulting in a spike in argumentum ad populum cases
Anxiousness induced by unsubstantiated alerts
Becoming under the influence to erroneously (though understandably) refer to Hall Master Stella as Your Honour.
and who knows how many more go under the radar…
As such, it might be ethical to substitute out MSG for alternatives, as per this first sighting of “a little birdie said that…”:
Source: Blk 4 Christmas Event Do You W4nt Build A Snowm4n
While a future without word-of-mouth is unimaginable, could this at least be the start of a new era doing away with hearsay? Perhaps next time, consider the following ways to achieve the same effect. Hear me say—no to hearsay!
Rumour has it
Allegedly
Hear through the grapevine
Word ‘round the hall/block
Some say
Pssst!
Guess What? (Cortez, 2024)
And there you have it! A well-done Telegram blast message, piping hot straight out of the oven and ready for RH Announcement Bot to deliver to dineRHs in all RHestaurants. Feel free to follow this fail-safe recipe but—heck—in practice, there really is no fixed formula for such a message. Be unorthodox, explore your creativity with it and your message might have a chance to stand out among the buffet of announcements!
Written by: Herman
Edited by: Arushi, En Xin, Videl, Clarissa, Warren
Comments